Thursday (4/21/16) Ramblings of a Single Middle Age Woman

Don’t ya love the title?

I do.

If I sit down and think about what I’m going to write, I end up spending more time stressing over the title. Then by the time I settle on one, I don’t want to write the post. This was catchy and one I can use over and over and over again.

Middle aged. ugh! Well I did start out with old and changed it. People say you are only as old as what you feel. If that were true I’d be retired and living at the beach.

The intention tonight was to write something to link back to Suzanne Eller’s blog for her #livefreeThursday and the subject How Big is Your God. I’m not for sure that I can answer that question.

It’s not that I question how big is my God – my God is big enough to handle anything. He’s proven it time and time again. I question myself and why I forget how big He is. When trouble strikes or things seem bleak, instead of being confident that my God can handle it, I panic. Look to people and/or things to try to make things better. Then when I do FINALLY turn to God, if He doesn’t answer in a timely manner or like how I think He should, I still run to people and/or things. It may not be until later, after it’s all over, that I look back and go yeah – that’s my God.

There was one time in my life that I actually didn’t panic – at first. When I sat in the surgeon’s office and listen to him tell me he was 99% sure it was cancer but it was fixable. He kept waiting for me to fall apart, be worried, ask a million questions. But I didn’t. I sat there and said yes I know. It’s going to be ok. I watched God’s healing hand on my mom when she fought breast cancer and I knew He could do the same for me. It was later when I let life (divorce, problems with kids, financial difficulties) get to me and I acted in a way I shouldn’t have. I turned to things of the world to make me feel better and loved during my fight with cancer instead of totally relying on God.

Then when my biggest fear of being alone crashed down on me, when I had no where else to turn, when months of being a virtual reality junkie and computer gamer nerd ran it’s course, I sat back and took a long hard look at things that had happened and where I was. One thing was clear – God was there. He had never left. I’m the one who had moved away from Him.

But you know what? He took me back. My God is big enough for anything. And He’s big enough to forgive me for messing up and love me anyway. That’s how big my God is.

How Big Is Your God

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