Ramblings of a Middle Age Woman -Loving Jesus

Do you remember when you first accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior?  Do you remember how much joy and love filled you? Do you still have that much joy and love in your life for Christ?

There have been plenty of times in my life where I would have to answer no to that question. Actually, the majority of times in my life. But there have been moments where I have remembered that feeling; have felt that joy and love for Christ just like the day I was saved. Unfortunately those moments are few and far between. I have no excuse as to why except I just let life get in the way. Instead of turning to God, I turned to people and things which took away my joy in Christ. The more I went down my own path, the more joy, happiness, and peace of mind I lost. Until I wound up in ho hum whatcha going to do land wondering how I ended up there – AGAIN.

Like this past week I got in a funk. Don’t know why. Don’t know what caused it. Can’t blame it on the devil even. Just ended up there. Instead of IMMEDIATELY turning to God, for a couple of days I let it drag me down and I turned to other things. Computer, games, television (my BIG go to thing here lately), and people. Not like I’ve done in the past. But still I looked. I wondered. I started playing an online game again. Did it ease the funk? Did seeking people’s approval ease the funk? Did I find happiness staring at me from a television screen? NO!

the devil says

This time it didn’t take me long to remember that people and things are not going to be where I find my joy. Living in a television set or in an online game is not going to bring me happiness. Jesus is the ONLY person that can bring me the peace and joy I so desire.


Romans 15:13
May the God of hope full you with all joy and peace in believing so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

The devil will make us doubt our faith and he will try to steal our joy in the Lord. He doesn’t want us to remember how we felt when we first accepted Christ. He wants us to stay in funky moods where we look to people and things to feel better. But this time I refuse. I am looking to Jesus to fill my heart with joy and love. I am falling in love with Jesus all over again.

Philippians 4:4
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice!

God Bless






Ramblings of a Middle Age Woman – Mothers


Today you’ll be seeing posts on social media wishing a Happy Mothers Day to all the Mothers out there. Or posts about how terrific one’s mother is. I’m no different.

My mother is my best friend. I know there are probably a lot of daughters/sons out there that say that year after year but I for one actually mean it. I have no doubt of my mother’s love for me. There’s been too many times in my life that I’ve screwed up and no matter what she’s always been there. She may not have liked what I’ve done or agreed with my reasoning but she’s always stuck by me.

My mother does not look or act her age and looking at her you would never know that she is a 20+ breast cancer survivor. She never let cancer or anything stop her from living life to the fullest. How many other mothers in their 70’s run around in pink leather and ride a Harley?

couple on motorcycle

But the realization that she won’t be around forever has really hit home this past year as I’ve had several friends lose their mothers. My heart goes out to them this Mother’s Day and I can’t imagine what they are going through.

I know that too often I’ve taken for granted that my mother is a survivor and have not expressed my love for her as often as I should. I take for granted that when I wake up in the morning and call her she will be there when in reality none of us are promised a tomorrow.

One of the commandments is to honor our parents and I want to honor my mother today. She raised me. She is the reason why I kept going through my fight with cancer and she is the reason why I am here today. We aren’t perfect and we don’t always see eye to eye but there’s no question that I love her and she loves me. I just need to tell her and show her more.

Don’t wait until tomorrow to tell your Mom you love her. Let her know today!



God Bless!


Ramblings of a Middle Age Woman – #livefreeThursday

Every Thursday at tsuzanneeller.com she posts a topic and you can link your blog post on that topic. Today’s topic is It’s a Miracle and Suzie asks the question, “What miracle is God asking you to participate in?”

What if you don’t know what miracle? Does that mean there’s something wrong if you don’t know if He is using you to help someone? Should you be concerned if you don’t see a miracle happening to the people you interact with? Should you be reexamining your life, looking for hidden sin, talking to your pastor?

I don’t think so. (Unless you feel like there’s something wrong somewhere then by all means go talk to your pastor.)

Sometimes we have to remember that we may not see the result of what God has called us to do. Did you feel the need to pray for the mother and child you saw in the store?  You won’t see the result of your prayer, but God knows. Did you feel the urge to pay for the car behind you at the fast food place? You won’t know the result of that urging, but God does. Did you look at your closet one day and just all of a sudden feel the need to clean it out and donate all the clothes that you didn’t wear anymore or didn’t fit? You won’t know who those clothes went to help, but God knows. As do the people that were impacted by those actions.

Somewhere today a mother was sick trying to take care of a little child when someone showed up unexpectedly to help because they felt that need. Somewhere today, a mother was counting change trying to feed her children only to find someone before her had paid for their food. Somewhere today a homeless man was given a sweater to keep him warm. Those little things were big miracles to the people they blessed.

Not everyone has been called to actively go in the mission field. Some have been called to do nothing more than pray. Pray for the missionaries and the people they would be helping. Not everyone has been called to go preach. Some have been called to serve in the background at churches and make sure that the little things get done. Not everyone has been called to serve at a local food bank. Some have been called to make sure there is food and clothes available to give out to those in need.

I believe that everyone has a purpose for God. I just believe that you aren’t always going to see the results. Just like the hats I plan on crocheting and giving away to an organization. I won’t see the child and/or adults they go to but I pray that they will be given to someone who needs them. I pray that they will be blessed by my gift.

The cards I send out to people I’ve met on the internet through volunteering for P31OBS. These people impact my life greatly and I love being able to send encouragement out to them. But I don’t know if I will ever meet them face to face to actually see the result of that encouragement.

The people that I pray for on a weekly basis that comment on the study blog or the BSL events on Thursday evenings. I doubt that I will ever know the result of my praying for them. But it’s something I felt the urge to do. This is a mission that I feel the need to serve. So maybe in some way I helped someone. Maybe because of the urging I felt, someone experienced a miracle from God.

So if you feel that urging, that tug, that something deep inside of you that makes you know this is what God wants you to do, don’t ignore it. Don’t walk away from it. Say yes. You may never know the miracle that God blesses someone with but trust that He is going to make one happen.

God Bless

1 Corinthians 12: 4 – 6
4) Now there are varieties of gifts but the same Spirit; 5) and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; 6) and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone.

“He turned on the radio to hear a song for the last time
He didn’t know what he was looking for even what he’d find
And the song he heard it gave him hope and strength to carry on
And on that night, they found a miracle
They found a miracle.”
Third Day
I Need A Miracle

Saying Yes


Ramblings of a Middle Age Woman – Discouraged

What do you do when you get discouraged? Do you turn to people or things to make yourself feel better? Do you shut yourself off from the world and attempt to ignore everything and everyone around you? Do you go and do charitable works hoping that by doing something good you will feel better?

Or do you turn to Jesus?

Or is turning to Jesus your last response? The when all else fails response?

Isn’t it funny how we end up in situations or places where we think there is no hope and when we do finally turn our eyes to Jesus we find He has been right there all along offering hope?

Just to clarify – I’m not saying that turning to Jesus is going to make everything better. That He will make all the bad stuff go away and your life will be a bed of roses. We live in an evil world where bad things happen in fleshly bodies that break down and get sick. Turning to Jesus gives us the strength we need to get through this life and the peace and hope to know that our destination after this life is someplace wonderful. We are put in situations in this life where we can worry every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year (whew!) – or we can learn from Paul who said:

11) Not that I am speaking in need for I have learned in whatever situation I am in to be content. 12) I know how to be brought low and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13) I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4: 11 – 13

Be content no matter where you are or what you are facing.

Yeah, I’m not there yet, but I’m trying. In the past year I’ve been intentional in studying God’s word every day and learning to turn to Him first instead of last. Yes, I still mess up and find myself worrying when I shouldn’t be. Or longing for things I shouldn’t. But I’m learning to recognize that and stop it with words from God. God is my strength and it’s Him that gets me through each day.

I hope the following verses will help you as they’ve helped me when I get discouraged.

God Bless.

Matthew 19:26
But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible but with God all things are possible.”

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Isaiah 40:29
He gives power to the faint and to him who has no might He increases strength.

Jeremiah 33:3
Call to Me and I will answer you and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.

Jeremiah 29: 12 – 13
12) Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me and I will hear you. 13) You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.

Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Philippians 4: 6 – 7
6) Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let you requests be made known to God. 7) And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4_13



Ramblings of a Middle Age Woman – My Dog Is Crazy

Do you love dogs?

I do. I have three. Two miniature chihuahuas and one boxer. All three are females. My male chihuahua I had to put to sleep last year before Christmas and that was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

The three chihuahuas were planned. Well, two I bought, then they made babies, and I ended up keeping one.

Lola, the boxer, is a different story.

She started out being my son’s dog because he found her eight years ago when she was a pup walking across the parking lot where he worked. Ads were run and people were contacted but no one claimed her, so he kept her. Since he’s had her, she probably has only lived away from my house a total of a year.  This last time, he moved somewhere he couldn’t have dogs so she came back to me. And hasn’t left nor is she going to. She’s my baby girl.

She loves car rides and being outside when I am.  Plus she made me get active. Seriously.  Because of her, I walk every day.

There are times she is just crazy though. Seriously crazy.

She won’t listen to me. She loves for some unknown reason to chase bees. BEES ya all. Living, flying, BIG, bees. Luckily she has not caught one. But I can’t get her to stop. No matter that I know that bee will hurt her if she catches it. She tries all the time. I know what’s best for her but she doesn’t care.

Reminds me of me. How many times has God put road blocks up to keep me from doing something and I did it anyway?  How many times have I been hurt because of it? Too many times to count. You would think I would learn my lesson but I do it over and over. So many times I’ve plunged head on into things without prayerfully considering it to see if that is what God wanted for me. God knows best for me but so many times I haven’t listened. 

I’m just as crazy as my dog.

Thankfully , my God is a loving Father that picks me up, dusts me off, and doesn’t give up on me. He doesn’t stop loving me nor taking care of me.

Just like I don’t stop loving Lola and taking care of her.

Psalm 121:2
My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth.

Good night and God bless


What better way to spend a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon than watching a baby? And having that baby fall asleep on you.

It was pure bliss.

I love my boys – they are my world. They’ve put up with my mistakes and forgave me for the hell I put them through.

Just like I’ve forgiven them for whatever hell they may have put me through.

They’ve just been grown up for a long time now. Out of that cuddly, huggable, snuggly stage. But I’m proud of the men they’ve become.

Then around Christmas this little girl appeared in my life and she’s stolen my heart. This heart always belongs to God, but He’s made it big enough for all the people around me that I love and that now includes Ana.

She may not legally be my granddaughter yet (I will NEVER say step granddaughter) but I think of her as mine. Having her fall asleep on me today, snuggling close made me realize how lucky I am that this perfect little girl came into my life. She snuggled with me and fell asleep, trusting that I was going to keep her safe. She’s only known me for a short period of time but she had faith in me.

That’s what our relationship with our Father should be like. That simple, trusting, non questioning faith that He is there and He will always be there. Rest in His arms and trust that He will protect you.

Luke 18: 16 – 17
But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.
17 Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”

Hebrews 11: 1
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

God, Our Father in Heaven,
Thank You for Your Son who died so we can be Your children. So we can stand before You, sinners washed clean by Christ’s blood. Thank You for calling us to You. Thank You for saving me. Father, allow me and all who reads this to lay in Your loving arms tonight. To have that faith of a child. To trust and know that You are there. Thank You Father. You are my Father and I want that faith of a child.
In Jesus precious name, Amen.

Good night and God Bless


Thursday (4/21/16) Ramblings of a Single Middle Age Woman

Don’t ya love the title?

I do.

If I sit down and think about what I’m going to write, I end up spending more time stressing over the title. Then by the time I settle on one, I don’t want to write the post. This was catchy and one I can use over and over and over again.

Middle aged. ugh! Well I did start out with old and changed it. People say you are only as old as what you feel. If that were true I’d be retired and living at the beach.

The intention tonight was to write something to link back to Suzanne Eller’s blog for her #livefreeThursday and the subject How Big is Your God. I’m not for sure that I can answer that question.

It’s not that I question how big is my God – my God is big enough to handle anything. He’s proven it time and time again. I question myself and why I forget how big He is. When trouble strikes or things seem bleak, instead of being confident that my God can handle it, I panic. Look to people and/or things to try to make things better. Then when I do FINALLY turn to God, if He doesn’t answer in a timely manner or like how I think He should, I still run to people and/or things. It may not be until later, after it’s all over, that I look back and go yeah – that’s my God.

There was one time in my life that I actually didn’t panic – at first. When I sat in the surgeon’s office and listen to him tell me he was 99% sure it was cancer but it was fixable. He kept waiting for me to fall apart, be worried, ask a million questions. But I didn’t. I sat there and said yes I know. It’s going to be ok. I watched God’s healing hand on my mom when she fought breast cancer and I knew He could do the same for me. It was later when I let life (divorce, problems with kids, financial difficulties) get to me and I acted in a way I shouldn’t have. I turned to things of the world to make me feel better and loved during my fight with cancer instead of totally relying on God.

Then when my biggest fear of being alone crashed down on me, when I had no where else to turn, when months of being a virtual reality junkie and computer gamer nerd ran it’s course, I sat back and took a long hard look at things that had happened and where I was. One thing was clear – God was there. He had never left. I’m the one who had moved away from Him.

But you know what? He took me back. My God is big enough for anything. And He’s big enough to forgive me for messing up and love me anyway. That’s how big my God is.

How Big Is Your God